unemployment

I was fired from my job on Friday. I deserved it completely. I had basically stopped making any attempt at being in any way, and I think it was awfully generous of my boss to let me go with kind words and a bit of a severance (despite being freelance), as opposed to what I actually deserved…

So, I’m unemployed again. It really hasn’t been that long since the last miserable, boring, listless days in the beginning of January before starting that last job. But this time, things are very different. For one thing, since this last job had been freelance, I’m not going to get any unemployment benefits, so that puts a little more pressure on things. But more importantly, I am now completely without direction. This last experience really soured me from the reality of media production jobs - I’m sick of the superficiality, the indulgence, the boredom, and, possibly most of all, the pseudo-creativity of it. It took me too long to realize that any creative aspirations I have are my own, and that it’s not a satisfying use of my creative energy (which, let’s be honest, wasn’t really a part of any job I’ve had anyway, so I’ll concede some sour grapes here), to have a job in the commercial industry*. So now, not only am I looking for a new job, but a new career as well - a whole new direction. And I’ve got nothing. And a very specific resume that will take a whole lot of twisting to show that I’m qualified to do anything. Which is, of course, debatable. The only hint of a path I’ve got is that I’d like to do something that actually helps people for a change - I can be self-indulgent on my own time.

However, there is another, more positive reason why this bout of joblessness is different from the last one - I’m actually motivated this time. Last time I lost my job, it was after the company I was with folded after a year and a half stint on my part - without a vacation. I was just worn out and needed a week to sleep in, from which, I never exactly recovered. This time, I arrive after spending nearly all of my time confined and idle, with creative projects left to the side, victim of a long workday. So, after spending the weekend in self-imposed denial, I woke up early yesterday, went running, and attempted to impose a new unemployment schedule for myself - one that included time to spend on my own projects, not just frantically searching for jobs, fraught with anxiety and guilt.

And among my searching yesterday, I found this today.com blog thing, and I really thought it was a perfect opportunity. Among the projects I am going to be pursuing in my hopefully short span of excessive free time, is a very ambitious writing project, which I’m entirely intimidated by. There’s nothing like having a reason to force yourself to sit down and do a little bit of writing every day to get you feeling more comfortable with doing so, which is one immediate advantage.  Also, what I want to do here is to keep a running track of my trials and travails in finding a new direction for myself, and keeping myself sane and productive at the same time.  It’s not such an easy thing to do.  Maybe by keeping track of my progress here, I can keep myself on target, or at least, provide something for someone who might be in the same situation as me.  Encouragement?  Ideas on what to do or what not to do?  I’m not really sure what someone else might get out of this, I haven’t really thought that far.  I guess I’m not completely convinced that anyone will be reading it, but, in case of that eventuality, please please feel to comment.  I would love this to be a dialog.  I’d love advice on my job search and on my writing, and on life and love and living.  And I’d be happy to try to answer any questions anyone might want to ask of me.  Why not?

So that’s what’s going on with me and with my blog.  I’ll be talking about other things, I’m sure, but I’m already off to a late start - this is job search day 2, after all - so I’ve already got a back log of things to talk about that I’ll parse out over the week, I suppose.  This seems pretty long already.

*I’ve got a lot to say about all of that - the last job, the media, the commercial industry, indulgence - I’ll probably have to post a rant or two about that.