unemployment

I had my first actual job interview today.  I think it went really well, but it’s weird and anxious to sit there and look someone in the eye thinking “This job might be a living hell.”  That’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but I am pretty genuinely apprehensive about it.  It was something that could possibly be construed as helping people, and in somewhat of a direct fashion, but I’m worried that this thin veneer will fade in not too long, and I’ll just begin to see it as a miserable, dry, repetitive customer-service position.  That being said, it offered good benefits, a good schedule, and was fairly easy to commute to, but I’m not sure if it’s worth it.  It has a huge learning curve, so I’ll feel like an idiot there for a long time, which is, realistically, something I’m looking for.  Not feeling stupid, of course (I do a great job of that on my own, thank  you), but it is great to feel like you are learning something at work.  That being said, cramming your head with useless knowledge that will prepare you for an even dryer, less socially conscious job could have a pretty soul damaging effect.  What makes me most apprehensive, though, is that they are looking for a one year commitment.  I would be less reluctant to make this plunge if I felt there was some growth opportunity in the company, but, while the company itself is expanding into new territories, it seems the group I would be working in is something of a black hole from which there is nowhere to go.

I haven’t completely ruled it out.   There are some definite pluses  and minuses, but, looking at it in black and white as I described it, it’s not looking too good.  This whole experience, though, definitely strengthens my resolve to go to grad school, so I’m thinking of adding a half hour somewhere in my schedule to grad school research and prep.  If I want to apply for next fall, I think I’m already behind.  Isn’t that sick?

This morning I had the pleasant surprise of meeting a friend for brunch who was in town unexpectedly.  There are some definite advantages of not having a job that will be sorely missed.  All this activity today prevented me from getting many resumes out, and the one I was most excited about, I fucked up my cover letter hard core.  God, it practically makes me wanna cry.  My head just wasn’t in it today, that happens.  But the truth is, with the craigslist posts, at least, if you don’t get your resume to them the day they post, or at latest the day after, you don’t stand a chance anyway.   Best to throw your hat in the ring, even if it’s a dunce cap.

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